I have always subscribed to a basic minimum approach to cleaning.
But according to a lot of lifestyle cleaning gurus, there are many things I should be cleaning that don't seem to be on my list of round-the-house must-dos.
Here are some cleaning tasks that are never going to happen in my house.
1. The coils on the back of my fridge
This one blindsided me because I was all ready to defend myself for not cleaning the inside of my fridge.
And then all of a sudden we're talking about back coils. Suffice to say, I didn't even know they existed.
2. Outdoor bins
I do clean my kitchen bin pretty regularly. But the bins outside the house are a 'death by garbage fumes' situation for me.
I've never cleaned them, which means they've built up a toxic miasma of rubbish residue that is life-threatening to anyone who lingers too close for too long.
Taking the rubbish out in my house looks like this: open the lid, chuck another bag in and quickly slam it shut again before you smell it and die.
I'm not saying I'm proud of it, I'm just saying, it's a safety issue
3. Tap aerators
I didn't even realise this was a thing that could or should be cleaned. But according to websites like Buzzfeed and The Spruce, we should all be taking our taps apart and cleaning them.
This, to me, would be like the time I took my stove rangehood apart in order to clean it and then couldn't put it back together again. I had to buy a new one.
I cannot afford new taps, therefore I cannot afford to pull them apart to clean them.
4. Laundry baskets
I have never seen the bottom of my laundry basket, so I have no idea whether or not it needs to be cleaned. I'm just going to assume not.
5. Outdoor furniture
This is a very good point. I really should clean my outdoor furniture.
The truth is, I've only ever done this once, by accident. A storm blew two of my outdoor chairs into the swimming pool and they came out as clean as a whistle.
I honestly felt like throwing the rest of the outdoor ensemble in there for good measure
This makes perfect sense. Walls are filthy. But the truth is, the only time I have ever cleaned walls is when I was moving out of a rental and wanted to get my bond back.
As my renting days are over, so too are my days of wiping walls.
Its true. I really should be vacuuming my mattress because … dust mites and a whole host of microscopic bugs that are living and breeding in there and having parties.
However, until someone can show me this microscopic horror show with a magnifying apparatus, it's easier for me to assume it does not exist.
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